I have been silent for a while and it’s simply because I didn’t know how to articulate in words what has been happening in my life.
The last post I wrote was my first attempt at that – talking about the phases we go through in life and that we need to take the good with the bad.
With time and reflexion behind me, it has become easier to think about what’s happening, to consider what is going to happen next and to put it into words…
My hubby and I are separating. This wasn’t an easy decision, and it wasn’t something that “just happened”. I think that in the same way as two people take time to come together and really become one, this process of drifting apart also takes time.
Whilst I could write an essay about all the reasons why we’ve drifted apart and why we’re calling it quits, suffice to say that this is not a temporary thing. It has taken a long time to get to this point, and if I’m writing it here is because we’ve passed the point of no return.
Now comes the hard part. At the moment, everything is peaceful, everything is ok and we’re all friends. We told the kids what’s happening and they took it well, but that may be because they haven’t seen any real changes yet.
At the back of my mind there is a fear lurking – driven by so many dark stories of how people turn into monsters when they divorce, how they completely forget the love they once had for one another and focus solely on financial matters, how they forget to put the children first and create huge long term trauma for them.
I am fortunate that, over the years, I’ve become an extreme optimist, and so I’m very much focusing on what I want (rather than what I fear). I also like to think that I have reached a certain level of emotional maturity to be able to handle this situation in a civilized and amicable manner, one day at a time. I certainly have examples very close to me that I intend to follow.
My relationship with my (ex)hubby is quite strong. We are the best of friends, we are business partners and most importantly, we are family – the parents of these three beautiful and healthy children that we’ve created. I intend to keep it that way.
The most important thing for me is that the kids feel safe in this process, that they feel loved, and that they know that we will do everything to keep the peace and harmony in their lives that they are accustomed to… Well, the relative peace and harmony … not taking into account the daily madness that it is having an 8, 6 and 3 year old running around 😉