My sister has two kids. They’re teenagers now. When they were little, and I was a care-free soul with no children, I remember a day when we were all at the beach. A hot sunny day. I asked my sister to go swim with me and off we went.
The sea had some waves, but was suitably calm for us to go swimming a bit further in. To my surprise, my sister didn’t want to go.
Since we were little that we go to the beach regularly and swimming is one of the things we both love doing. So I was puzzled and a little surprised that my sister seemed scared of going further into the waves.
She told me that since having kids she doesn’t like taking unnecessary risks, that she’s more cautious. I laughed, probably mocked her a bit at the time and said that life is for living (or something like that).
Fast forward a few years and I bring home my own bundle of joy. I have no idea if it’s the surge of hormones or just the overwhelming reality, but I find myself thinking of things like “I can’t run down the stairs anymore, because if I’m at home alone and I fall and can’t move, the baby will be helpless”.
All of a sudden, it hit me. I was just like my sister. I was all of a sudden afraid of doing a bunch of things, in case those things put myself, and by consequence my baby, at risk.
I remember one time having a chat with my Mom-in-law about it. I asked her “how do you do it? How do you cope with the fear? There are just so many things that could go wrong, so many accidents waiting to happen… what about when they’re older, and they don’t come home at the time they said they would? How can you live in this constant state of fear?”
Age is of course a great teacher and she wisely replied “it’s normal, you’ve become a Mother. This is what being a Mother is all about. All of a sudden you have another human being’s life in your hands. It gets easier as they grow up and are not so defenceless. But your life will never be as it was again. Even when your kids are all grown up… worry will always be there. And that’s ok. You just need to accept it, and live your life anyway”.
There have been many situations since, where I have felt completely helpless. Especially when they start going to school and you lose control of the lion’s share of their day. Anything can happen. And sometimes, bad things do happen. You just need to be able to cast those fears aside somehow, and still manage to live your own life, doing the things you love doing.
After all, you also want to show your kids that life is for living, not for being in a little box, afraid of what could happen at every moment of every day.
I’m not a religious person, but I really like this phrase I heard a long time ago from one of my friends: “at some point, you have to let go, and let God”.
So, like me, I recommend you live your life to the fullest, but keeping away from unnecessary risk… Is it wrong that I hope my sister won’t read this post? ;o)