My parents both worked. I don’t think of them as having been career driven, it was just the reality I grew up in. All my friends’ parents worked too. I grew up in Portugal at a time where the country had just risen from a political revolution (the Carnation revolution), was a mainly agricultural country, not much infrastructure existed – not in comparison with Northern Europe anyway, and jobs were hard to come by. It all started to change in the 80’s when we joined the EU, but it was a long road.
So I was actually fortunate that both my parents had jobs. I was even luckier that they had been able to buy their own home. As a child though, I didn’t get why Daddy had to work weekends. What seemed to me to be all the weekends. Looking back now I understand. For my parents to give us the quality of life they wanted to give, they had to make sacrifices.
And all and all, I think they were proud of the results. They managed to raise two healthy daughters, send us both to university and steer us into our grown up life with a solid foundation.
Fast forward a few years and now I’m a parent. I also have a full time job, I write this blog, I am an entrepreneur and I sing for fun.
But can we really have it all? I think yes and no. Unless you were born with super powers (I still think my Mom was) you will find something’s gotta give.
So yes, I am very career driven and I love my job. I studied hard to get where I am, I took some risks and I work for one of the coolest companies on the planet. I feel grateful that I actually like going to work. Given the cool company that I work for, I was also able to have three children and enjoy the full benefits of long maternity leave for all of them.
I am fortunate that I can afford childcare and that I have a nanny that is great with the kids, dependable and trustworthy, and that we love to have around. We are super blessed that the kids are healthy and, bar the normal level of naughtiness for their ages, are great kids to be around.
I am also blessed that I have at least one hour a week where I feed my soul with my favourite hobby in the world – singing. I sing at a choir called the Rock Choir. It’s a UK wide choir and anyone can join. And it truly is food for the soul. It’s the one time a week where energy is pumped directly into my veins. Writing this blog has the same effect 😉
And I have Charub, the tech start-up that I’m trying to get off the ground.
You might think “wow, how do you do it? You do have it all”… and again, I’ll say yes, and no. I think I have a lot. And I am grateful that the stuff I have in my life is actually the stuff I wanted. But there are other things I wanted that I don’t have.
I don’t have much time. And most of the time, in the free time I do have I feel too exhausted to do anything. I remember not having my Dad around much at weekends, and now I am the absent one. Not because I’m not there, but because I’m knackered. I try to spend some time with the kids, but I wish I could do more.
I also don’t have a million bucks, so even if I decided to work less, I couldn’t, because we very much depend on my paycheck.
And last but not least, you will notice I didn’t mention my marriage. That has suffered big time too. My hubby is my best friend, my business partner and my kids’ Daddy. But there never seems to be time for anything else. I’m not going to put a label on it though… I’m guessing that after 15 years together, lots of couples are like that.
I have the utmost respect for women (and men) that endeavour to have it all. I just hope that folks recognise what “all” is when they get there. It is different for everyone, because everyone has different hopes and dreams. Everyone has different priorities.
So, is it possible? Can we have it all? Well, yes and no.