It has been a challenging few months. In fact, this whole year has been a year of transformation.
First there was my Mom’s condition getting worse to the point that my Dad couldn’t cope with being her carer anymore and we had to put her in a home. She is well taken care of, but it is painful to see the shadow of the woman she used to be, only becoming worse every time I visit.
Then the separation and divorce. Whilst it was a long time coming, it is always a difficult decision and a hard process to go through. After several months of slow back and forth and some arguments, I am happy to say that we have landed in a place of friendship and harmony, which js great for the kids.
My nanny of two years, who has become like a 4th child to me, quit on account of being fed up with Miss Z’s bad behaviour towards her. And so in September, a new nanny started.
And last but by no means least, out of blue, I lost my job due to redundancy of the whole office. Today was my last day at the company. A decade of work in one of the best tech companies in the world. Now the job search is on to find an even better job.
I write this post aboard a plane… As I reflect on the year that is coming to an end and try to focus on the good things, I have to keep reminding myself of the important things: my kids are healthy, there is a roof over our heads and there’s food on the table. We live in a peaceful country.
But I digress. What I really wanted to talk about is the topic I hinted at above… Miss Z’s bad behaviour.
This is not naughty, silly, childish, expected of kids kind of behaviour. This is proper bad, unacceptable, rude kind of stuff.
And I’ve tried loads of things. In fact, that may be part of the problem. I’ve dished out so many kinds of punishments that she doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going.
The incidents that happened rarely with the previous nanny are becoming more frequent with the new one. I don’t know if this is related to the divorce and she’s acting out or reaching out for attention or if there’s something worse underneath.
The ironic thing is that she doesn’t behave like this at school, where her teachers report she is an absolute angel. And she is not like that with her Father or I.
She only looses it with the nanny. And then when she does, she goes totally berserk and she will scream and shout and bite and spit and hit and kick. And I have no idea where that’s coming from.
They say love is the remedy for all things. I feel quite guilty about the whole thing. Her Dad thinks that I haven’t been around enough. And it’s true, I have travelled more often in recent months than before… So am I doing my best to be present even from a distance and be there when she needs me, when she looses control.
My little Miss Z is growing up so fast and it’s sometimes surreal to see that she is so much like I was when I was her age – the good and the bad – always pushing boundaries, always fighting the law. I’m trying my best to put myself in her shoes and be understanding and kind. I hope it works!