I have a very strong view about sleeping, mainly because I love sleeping. So it was important for me to get the kids onto a good sleeping routine from the start.
I know my method is strict and that most people don’t do it like me. And I have no problem with that. I will share anyway because I figure there may be some Moms out there that agree with me and that this can be useful for them.
I was never a fan of putting the kids to sleep just about anywhere – sofas, moses basket in the living room, travel cot in the passage, what have you.
For me, a baby should sleep in their cot and a child in their bed. Of course, if you’re visiting someone, or out and about they can sleep in the pram. I’m not talking about exceptions, I’m talking about the rule.
As you may have guessed, I’m not a fan of co-sleeping or putting the cot right up to the parents bed either.
I am a believer that we bring children to the world as a gift to the world. We give them life, such that they can live their life. And one of the most important things they need in order to be able to face this world is a sense of independence. And I believe that starts from day 1. Yes, it’s nice to have your baby sleeping in your arms when you watch TV. Yes, it’s nice for him/her to sleep with you and hubby and you can watch him as he drifts to Zzzz land. I won’t deny that. But is it in the baby’s best interest to do that? What about when you have baby number 2 or 3 and you have to suddenly push him/her away to a cot/bed? What is he/she going to feel then? Probably resentment about their younger sibling and/or feelings of abandonment from Mommy and Daddy.
My kids slept in their cot from day 1. Unless we were out, every nap and every night was in their cot or bed. This way, there were never tantrums or jealousy or coming to our bed in the middle of the night. This way there were no issues as they grew older and the family grew. Even on holiday, we always had a travel cot or bed.
The only thing we allowed was for them to snuggle up with us in the morning before we got up to start the day.
There were a few times when one of them (Mr A especially) would try to come to our bed in the middle of the night. We would simply walk him back to his bed (with as little talking as possible), kiss him and tuck him in, and leave. Sometimes he would cry a bit, in which case we would explain that that was his bed and the other one is our bed. And he would understand. If he came again, we would walk him back again. It didn’t take long for him to get the message and stop trying.
You may wonder “what did you do if they were ill?” Well, I think that if you bring them to your bed when they’re ill, then that sets a dangerous precedent. Depending on their age they may have a hard time understanding that that was just a temporary measure, and they may expect it to continue after they feel better.
I much more prefer that if they’re ill, I stay by their bedside or get into their bed with them for a bit until they drift off to sleep. I may sleep on the floor a little while, or just sit on a chair by the cot and hold their hand. But it’s important that the routine of sleeping in their own bed is consistently kept. Tracy Hogg says that the most important pillars of parenthood are Patience and Consistency. I try to be a PC parent. If I allowed the kids to come to my bed when they’re ill, that would break the consistency rule, and they surely would try to push the boundary and expect it to continue way past that dreary fever or flu…