Happy parents make for happy kids – you’ve heard that before right?
I totally agree. So what do you do if you’re unhappy in your relationship? What really is the best way for you and your children?
I’ve know many folks of my parents’ generation that stuck together even though the love was long gone. Whether because of the children, their religious beliefs (that marriage is for life) or simply because financially they would be worse off if they divorced (or just couldn’t even afford it).
And then I know people my age that are already in their second marriage. Some had kids from the first one and some didn’t.
Let me put it out there that I am a co-dependent when it comes to relationships and I am not a very good example to anyone. However I do have an opinion about divorce. I think the previous generation didn’t do it enough and that my generation takes that step a little too quickly.
Now before you start thinking of having a heated argument with me, do remember that this is just my opinion. And it’s no more right nor wrong than yours.
I think people that cannot stand each other shouldn’t stay together. I don’t even think people should stay together if they can just about co-habit in a civilised manner but where love and care is all gone.
Similarly I think that if couples have love and care for each other but where there are a myriad of other issues and conflicts, that they shouldn’t hastily go down the divorce route.
I’m coming from a place where I’m assuming the couple has children, especially small children (as is my case). It would be great to see parents trying to grow together (through the pain and the conflict) while they still can.
Old age is a difficult time and I cannot imagine what it must be like to go at it alone. If relationships are salvageable, then we should do all we can to salvage them. Again, I’m not advocating that people stay together for the sake of the kids. Children are very clever – they will pick up on everything that’s going on. If all you do is argue and shout, then by all means go your separate ways.
What I’m saying is that if you want to make it work, you need to work together, grow together, change together. Ask for help if you can’t do it by yourselves. It is worth it in the long run.
My marriage has been a series of ups and downs. Your typical love rollercoaster.
We are going through some of those “growing pains” at the moment and it’s been really touch and go several times. During this process we realised that whilst we put a tremendous amount of time and energy into our work, our kids and family, we weren’t dedicating hardly any time to each other, to just being together, without gadgets, without kids, without distractions.
And so, for the first time in 8 years we went away for a long weekend just the two of us. The timing coincided with our 11th wedding anniversary.
The grandparents came to stay at our house and our fab nanny was on duty throughout the weekend. And so we set out to Italy where we had some lovely, relaxed and romantic time amongst all the art and history (and food) Tuscany has to offer.
We came home missing our kids terribly (more than they missed us judging by a luke-warm reception as we interrupted their favourite TV show when we arrived ;), but also refreshed and committed to our resolve to grow old together… Growing being the key word…
Let’s hope that this was the first of many more weekends away. I’m convinced that they are not only a pleasure, but also a necessity, to keeping a relationship alive and happy.
And Happy Parents…