I attended a short course at work once that really shifted the way I thought about development and productivity.
Up until that point whenever I had an appraisal with my manager there was always a few points that he/she would point out where I had done well and a few where I could have done better. Invariably the focus for next time that they prescribed was always on improving on my weaker points, enabling me to be better “all-round”.
This course turned everything on its head. Rather than focusing on your weaknesses, it encouraged you to focus on your strengths, on what you’re already good at, and make it better. It encouraged specific mastery rather than general goodness.
I got thinking today about how that could relate to motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I think every parent needs to have a minimum of “all-roundness” to be a good enough parent. But these days most parents I know are trying to be everything for their kids. And I think that’s not only unnecessary but actually counter productive, because it sets an unrealistic example to our children of what they should aim to be when they are themselves parents.
I think I’m an excellent project manager. And so, even without me realising the link, I naturally set out the routines, the rules and schedules for our family. My husband is the dreamer, the larger than life child (inside) and so the kids naturally love playing with him. He is also the mechanics and hardware expert.
I love to cook quick meals, especially when there isn’t much in the house and I have to be creative. But I’m not much of a baker.
And now I think that’s ok. Because my sister in law is a great baker. So is her Mother. I’m not much of an exercise expert, but that’s ok because Uncle J and Grandpa are. My mother is law is a master of arts and crafts, and so on.
Our children can have influences from many different places. You as parents are the main ones, but no-one is a master of all trades. And I think it’s ok, in fact recommended, that they learn different traits from the extended family and beyond.
Kids will have their own weaknesses and strengths. Always pointing out weaknesses and making them work at it will lead them to an inner feeling of not being good enough. Rather play to their strengths and see their true potential shine through and thrive.