We used a reward chart for the first time with Miss Z when we started potting training her. We weren’t sure she would understand the concept or whether it would have the desired effect, but we gave it a go anyway.
The chart had several actions like sitting on the potty, pulling down her panties, actually doing something on the potty, pulling her clothes back up and washing her hands. Once she started going to the toilet we added the flushing too.
The point was to set her up for success. With a few actions she was always guaranteed to get some stickers, even if she didn’t actually wee in the potty.
It was rather amazing to see her excitement about those stickers. We allowed her to pick and the stick them, and that, for a while, was the best part of her day. She loved the process.
Mr A was quite agnostic to the potty training process. He wasn’t very interested in doing well and I don’t think he even associated the stickers with his successful actions in the potty arena until later. Still, he loved getting the stickers. I have yet to try it with Miss A, but that’s coming soon 😉
Reward charts are great because they plant the seed of what it is to get gratification from a job well done. They encourage good behaviour because they reward the good rather than punish the bad.
Now, I’m not going to pretend that they’re easy. It’s hard work keeping at it when you implement a new reward chart.
In the last couple of years we have used different types of charts, to encourage the kids to behave well. We have a matrix with the days of the week at the top and the actions to be followed on the side. We’ve had different versions of it but found that the key factor for ensuring success is to have only a few, very specific, actions.
So the current chart has these actions: (1) Do the three morning rules on time (that means get dressed, go to the bathroom and make your bed), (2) Listening to adults and behaving nicely and (3) Eat your meals on time.
We had to refine these along the way really through trial and error. In the early version we had way too many actions so the kids didn’t follow through. Then we reduced the actions but they weren’t specific or they produced results that we really didn’t want. An example was “Eat all meals quickly” which would drive Miss Z to eat too quickly (to her own detriment because she felt ill).
As the name says, the whole point of a reward chart is to get a reward. And so we track the progress during the week by giving them stickers on each action/day that they have done well. And then at the end of the week we tally up. If they got more than x stickers (your call), they get a reward. If they got all the stickers they would get an extra reward.
Rewards needn’t always be toys or paid activities. They can be simpler like a trip to a special park, or an afternoon watching a movie and having popcorn or donuts. It could be stickers for a sticker collection. It’s up to you.
On Friday I was at a Social Good summit in London and at the “after event networking session” I got talking to a bloke who also has kids. He said that him and his wife use a really cool reward system.
When their child wants something – in his example it was a trampoline – they set a number of days that she has to behave well in order to get it, and they put it in the calendar on the fridge (they mark off the days). If there is a day when she behaves badly, they add another day to the calendar, so making the reward take one day longer. And that continues to happen for each day she doesn’t behave. Ultimately it’s up to the parents to decide how many days each reward is worth, but it sounded like a good idea to me and a valuable lesson for kids to learn, that to get something in life, you have to work for it, and that it’s up to you to get it sooner or later depending on what you put in…