I honestly was over the moon when I found out that I was pregnant. I had wanted a baby for many years. Choosing a life partner that is younger than you means that he’s not in a hurry… not in a hurry to get married and not in a hurry to have kids. And so I waited… and waited.
When he finally conceded (or gave up resisting), we tried to get pregnant. I was so worried it was going to take ages – given that I was already in my thirties – but lo and behold, first time lucky!
My joy was quickly replaced by despair. I had heard about morning sickness (who hasn’t?) but I had no idea it could be so bad. I was always sick. This is not an exaggeration. The only time I wasn’t sick was when I was sleeping. Being a first timer, I had no idea what was normal or not. And the GP just said it was normal and prescribed me normal sickness pills… the ones that work on most people.
As it turns out, I’m not most people… I’m a Hyperemesis gravidarum sufferer. I lost about 10 Kgs of weight in my first trimester, and the situation got so dire that I couldn’t ingest anything… not even the water with the pills. It took about 10 seconds for my body to throw them up. I ended up in hospital with dehydration. I spent 4 days there on a drip, and was sent home with some serious sickness pills. I was off work for 5 weeks.
The only good thing about that stay in hospital is that I got to have an early scan, and I saw and heard Miss Z for the first time when she was only 9 weeks old. My tiny little miracle. Oh, and I learned to play Sudoku 😉
The rest of my pregnancy was just fine. When the second trimester came I actually wondered if I was still pregnant. I was back at work, I felt normal, I had no pain, no sickness… and no tummy showing…
And then I started feeling movements… and it was great! But that’s far from being able to say “I love being pregnant”. Every time I hear someone saying that, I actually get sick to my stomach and just feel like clapping them. Apart from my horrible first trimester, who loves feeling like going to the loo every 10 minutes, not being able to eat a whole load of things, not being able to take medicine, and not being able to sleep the whole night in your favourite position?? Who???
When I was about 37 weeks, the midwife measured my tummy and told me I was “small for dates”. I asked what that meant and she said the baby was small. I asked if I should eat more (ignorance is bliss ;). She giggled and said it’s not that simple.
I was sent to hospital and got some tests done, and another scan. The baby was small and they wanted to induce labour. WHAT?!?!?! No way, I’m not ready! I don’t want my baby to be born at the end of May!! My baby is meant to be born in the beginning of June!! (the stuff that goes on in a control freak’s head… I’m just being honest… this really is me… and I remind you of the disclaimer in the beginning 😉
We asked for another opinion, and then another. I was rather stressed by then… Finally a compromise. I would have to come to hospital every day and stay on the heart beat monitor for 30 minutes. If baby was well and moving they would wait until full term.
And so it was. Everything was ok and they induced labour on the due date. The day my little miracle had her first breath. For all my pain and suffering of being pregnant, I had the blessing of a short labour. I used only a TENS machine for pain relief. When it got to pushing, I pushed only 3 times. And she was here (for those of you that are cursing me right now, do remember the 5 weeks of puking…).
I thought that my next pregnancies would be better… heck, my body knew what to do now… Alas, it wasn’t so. With my second pregnancy, I was off sick for 6 or 7 weeks. I didn’t need the hospital because I took the strong pills from the outset. They do make you drowsy and sleepy, so I couldn’t work either, but at least I only lost 6 Kgs of weight (that was me being sarcastic, in case you didn’t notice).
Unfortunately, I had other problems. I was given a 20% risk of Downs syndrome. It’s one of those things you never think will happen to you. I had to go to London to the University College Hospital to have a special test – a CSV. The most painful thing you could imagine happening in your tummy. Physically and emotionally. Fortunately, only for a few seconds. And then the wait… 3 weeks later we had the all clear. And we also found out that we were having a boy… Mr A was coming and he was a normal weight… He was born 10 days late… the irony really – he was meant to come at the end of May, ended up coming 6 days after Miss Z’s 2nd birthday…
With my third pregnancy I didn’t feel sick at all… I didn’t think anything of it at the time… I was just happy I was going to have another baby. In hindsight, I should have known something was wrong. My extreme sickness is actually a normal pregnancy for me… my body reacting to a huge surge of hormones… That didn’t happen the third time around and at 8 weeks I started bleeding and had a miscarriage. It all happened very quickly – in 2 days. It was the weekend and they didn’t have the specific person at the hospital to give me a proper scan. It was all over by Monday (nothing to see in the scan). There is still something empty in me… it was a brief pregnancy, a miscarriage without complications, and medically I was fine after… but there was a baby. I saw it when I lost it, and I still feel the emotional pain. He or she is a little soul that chose to go back to heaven… that is how I remember it now.
The doctor that examined me said I could try again as soon as I had another cycle. That the risk of miscarriage wasn’t higher nor lower, and so we tried again a month later. With all my pregnancies, it turns out, it was first time lucky. For all my fears of infertility as the years went by, I needn’t worry. Hubby and I are like bunnies, it seems.
And so the fourth pregnancy came, and so did the sickness. 8 Kgs lost, 8 weeks off work this time. A more difficult pregnancy (age is unforgiving), more back pain, sciatic pain, etc… but still a very short labour (really short this time). A little girl born in the height of summer. A Leo, like Mommy and Daddy… My third little miracle arrived just 5 ½ months ago…
Every time I was pregnant and suffered 3 months of hell, I have thought “I won’t do this again”… and yet, 6 months later when I find myself with this beautiful miracle of life in my arms, I re-think. I always wanted to have 4 children. I have managed to survive 3 full pregnancies. I have yet to decide whether I can cope with a 4th. My heart says yes… We will see if it can convince my head 😉
To all the Moms that suffer what I suffered with sickness: stay strong and focus on the day you will have your little bundle in your arms… smiling at you! All the bad memories will melt away. I promise!