I’ve been afflicted by a compulsive behaviour for as long as I can remember. My first thoughts are that it started with puberty when acne invaded my face, but if I really think about it, I think it comes from before.
I am obsessed with squeezing pimples and picking scabs on my skin. And this may sound silly but it’s actually a really big problem. Especially because when one of those white pimples or blackheads shows up anywhere (even if I can’t see it, I can feel it with my hand), I won’t rest until it’s gone. And of course, after a pimple is squeezed comes a scab, and then that’s it – a vicious circle ensues. A battle between my body healing powers and my obsessive compulsive habit. Eventually I manage to stop myself just long enough for a scab to fall by itself or the skin underneath to dry. The invariable result is that a scar is left on my skin. And I have them all over the place.
If I’m going through a particularly stressful time then it gets even worse. Not wanting to compare, I have often thought of people that cut themselves. And I think I can understand them… It’s a compulsion – it’s hard to get it under control.
By now you’re probably thinking you landed in the wrong blog and what does this have to do with children…
My daughter Miss Z is now 7 years old. For a few days now that she has had a scab on her foot. And she has repeatedly picked it. This evening she did it again and came downstairs with a tissue on her foot. It had a considerable amount of blood on it.
At first I shouted at her: “Z, how can you do this to yourself??? Look at all this blood! How can you hurt yourself like this? How can you possibly do this to your body?”.
And then, in a split second I remembered an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where a kid was in hospital because he had a compulsive habit of eating paper. His Mom moaned at him and went to all sorts of extreme measures to stop him from eating paper but sometimes she couldn’t stop him – this was one of those times and the kid ended up in the ER. Why did this come to my mind? Because at the end of the episode we find out that his Mom had the same obsession. And that the moral of the story was that the Mom should have been supportive, honest and truthful with her son by telling him what she had gone through and how she overcame it, rather than chastise her little boy about something he wasn’t equipped to handle at the time.
So in that split second I realised I needed to be honest with my daughter. I asked her “why do you do this to yourself?” to which she replied “because I like it”.
I told her that I too, since I was little, had the habit of picking at scabs on my skin. That I understand when she says she likes it. I too couldn’t stand the sight or feeling of a scab and had to get it out. But that was why my body is full of little scars. I showed her my shoulder and upper arm so she could see. And I asked her point blank – do you want to have marks like these all over your body?
She obviously said no. I told her that she is still little so it will be easier to make a change. I don’t know if anything will be different tomorrow. But what I do know is that I will keep saying it like it is and not be afraid to show my flaws, issues and shortcomings to my kids.
No one is perfect and it’s better they learn that from us parents early on so that they have realistic expectations both of themselves and others.