This is possibly one of the hardest techniques I used with the kids. Hardest on me, because I have a bad back.
It’s Tracey Hogg’s technique and it’s used to curb baby manipulation at sleep times. You can use it from about 4 months old onwards.
For those times when baby cries in bed, the technique is such that you pick up your baby and after you check it’s none of the usual things – poo nappy, wind, temperature, pain, etc. – then you comfort them only for a short while. If there’s nothing wrong with them bar wanting to be with you, then hold them only enough time for them to calm down. And then put them down again. Even if they cry on the way down, still put them down on their bed. And then pick them right up again.
Repeat this process until the baby stops crying. Then walk away. They may start crying again as you walk away in which case you come back and start again.
The important thing to pass across to your baby here is that you are there for him/her when they cry. But that you’re not going to hold them until they fall asleep in your arms. They need to learn to fall asleep on their own in their cot. And you need to be prepared for an endurance run here. Especially in the first few times if you’ve held him/her to sleep before. You will find hard resistance, and your resolve here is key. If you give up one time, try your best not to give up the next time.
Many times I felt like giving up doing this technique. It’s one thing when your baby is 4 or 5 months old and the cot base is still elevated. But once the cot is down and they’re heavier and more stubborn, it can really put a parent to the test. Stick with it.
It’s important that you are sure that there’s nothing else going on. If your child is ill or uncomfortable for some reason, no amount of picking up and putting down will work. Most likely it will just aggravate things.
I really wanted my kids to be independent sleepers. I found that after doing pick up put down a few times, they would just self-soothe back to sleep if they woke up in the middle of the night. And that’s a great feeling to have as a parent.
Now at the age of 6 ½, 4 ½ and 18 months, I can say I’m really proud of them. They all sleep around 12 hours a night and even the little one self-soothes most of the time.
Sometimes I feel like picking them up and holding them back to sleep… and that’s natural I think… you just want them to be babies for that much longer… but they’re growing up, and my job is to help the process, not hinder it.