By now you may be thinking that I’m a database of rules and regulations. It may be so, but I think that rules and boundaries are essential to having well-adjusted kids.
My husband’s Aunt once told me that as her kids grew so did their level of freedom and responsibility. Meaning they had no freedom and no responsibilities as littlelings, and then as they started growing she gave them more responsibilities gradually, and equally more freedom. She has 3 children who are turning into lovely young adults, and for me that is a great example.
When my kids started eating by themselves (which I gradually started doing at around 15 months old), they started slowly, with the bowl of porridge and a spoon.
By the time they were 2 years old, they could eat with a spoon and fork and by the time they were 4 they were eating with a knife and fork. I’m not suggesting these are the right times to do these things, this is roughly how it worked out for us. Mr A took longer than Ms Z, and Miss A is only now starting on her own.
The ruling principle is that I passed on that responsibility to them as soon as they were able, and I made sure they knew the basic rules.
There weren’t many rules. The most important for them – no playing with food. The most important for us (carers) – don’t laugh if they do something funny with food.
The latter is actually 10x more important than the former. If they play with the food or have an accident you just have to remind them “no playing with food” (I believe I’ve repeated this phrase more than 100 times). But if you, *at any time* laugh when they do something funny like pouring the porridge on the floor, then you’re in for a treat. Kids at that age love to please, so if they see, even just once, that when they play with their food it makes you laugh, guess what will happen? They will do it again and again and again.
I concede that at times, this is extremely hard to do. There are situations that are truly funny. But you are the parent and self-control is needed. Unless of course, you don’t mind clearing up the floor all the time, or wash the spag-bol off their hair.
Another rule is that at the start of this process, I always give them a spoon in their left hand. When they first start by eating their porridge, even if you can see that they are naturally right handed, it’s important to develop the left hand skill. That way, when you transition to a fork and spoon and later on to a knife and fork, it will be easier for them to eat with the fork in the left hand. My hubby still to this day swaps the knife and fork, probably because he always ate food with his right hand, so when the knife came along, the fork was well and truly settled in the right hand.
The last of the basic rules is that they don’t eat with their hands. There are of course finger foods that are meant to be eaten with your hands and kids do understand the difference. It’s just a matter of explaining what are finger foods. All else, they needed to use cutlery.
Following these basic rules, I found that not only my kids were self-sufficient eaters at an early age, but also there was hardly ever a mess and meal times are pleasant. Yes, you have to say the same things a million times, but it’s better to do that than to clean up.
Ah, and all my kids take their empty plates or bowls to the kitchen when they’re finished. That has meant a few broken bowls along the way, but at least they know it’s their responsibility.
As they grow, they will have increasing participation in the household activities, which I believe is essential for them to learn how to be self-sufficient and independent.