I’d say I’m a pro employer of nannies now. Having gone from employing one nanny for almost 5 years to having 3 different nannies in the following 9 months, I’m pretty sure that makes me a pro.
When our long time nanny Ms C announced that she was pregnant with her first child, I was 6 months pregnant with Miss A. At the time I was fairly relaxed. I didn’t think it through and I thought it would all work itself out.
But as I thought more about it, I didn’t see how it would work. My original thought was that my nanny could bring her baby to work, but when I thought more around the practicalities it was just not possible. Having to look after 2 kids in school age, plus a 1 year old plus her own baby was just going to pull her in different directions all the time. Not to mention there wouldn’t be enough space in the house for everyone’s needs.
So it was with sadness that Ms C and I agreed that she would go when the time came and I was going to look for someone else.
In the last couple of months of her employment there were noticeable changes in Miss Z and Mr A’s behaviour. Miss Z was in Year 1 and I could see that she was more defiant, more opinionated, more dramatic. Ms C, being that she was pregnant, was probably a bit less patient too. So the two clashed a lot more. There were a lot more tantrums and trips to the naughty corner. Mr A just imitated everything his sister did at this point, so he had his share too.
When I found and hired the next nanny, Ms A, she was a breath of fresh air. She was patient and playful, soft spoken, warm and loving, and she very quickly had the children doing everything she asked with a smile on their faces. And they were calm, happy and, most importantly, obedient (most of the time).
Unfortunately Ms A had a motorbike accident (see other post) and after a couple of months on sick leave decided to go back to her home country for operations there, so she resigned.
I think both the kids and I were devastated. She was not only the best nanny one could hope for, she was organised and on time with all her other duties, and she was a fantastic chef too. I was still on maternity leave and I felt like I was being looked after too.
After being nannyless for almost 4 months (and before you ask, I survived because I had help from a friend with house chores, making food for baby, etc.), I went on the lookout for another nanny. I found Ms A2 (so as to not confuse you) through an employment website in Portugal and I brought her over. I hired her originally only for 6 months, in the hopes that Ms A might come back after recovering.
Hindsight being a wonderful thing, I can tell you now that I made a big mistake. Whilst Ms A2 was older and had more life experience, she was also too timid and closed. She never engaged with us parents or the kids on an emotional level. She never played with them or got silly with them unless I told her too. And she was as strict as me with the discipline (probably because she took my example).
One time Miss Z turned to me and said “Mommy, I don’t like Ms A2 very much”. I asked “why darling?”, to which she replied “because she’s too bossy all the time, just like you”.
I was speechless of course, but also felt guilty. In trying to find a nanny that seemed more responsible and reliable, I had made the wrong choice for a person that was emotionally unavailable and came across as uncaring.
After she worked for us for 3 months I told her that in the next 3 months things had to improve with the kids. She was great at sticking to the routine now, but she had still not gotten the kids on side. Bar Miss A, who she demonstrated a lot more affection for (probably because she is an adorable baby), I had never observed any spontaneous gestures of love and care.
A week after this conversation I went back to work (from maternity leave). And a week later, she resigned. Not because she couldn’t cope with the work, but, as it turns out, because she had found another job with the help of her brother who also lives in London and who had been looking since she arrived in the country.
At first I was devastated. But I quickly snapped and started the search again. I had less than 3 weeks to find someone else.
I put an advert out again and got 4 candidates within a day. One of them was a 20 year old girl. The others were older than 45. Again I had a dilemma. Do I choose someone who is older and more likely to stay for longer, or someone younger that although more dynamic might jump ship in a few months?
I sought advice from my sister in law and my Mom in law. Funny enough, both had the same opinion. That I shouldn’t generalise based on stereotypes. That I should interview each one impartially and find out their qualities and experience, rather than make assumptions.
And so my first interview was with Ms L (the 20 year old). Despite her young age, Ms L had childcare education and proven experience. Her reference couldn’t have spoken more highly of her. And right from the minute I started talking to her on Skype, I knew she was a warm and caring person who loved children.
Hubby and I talked about it and made a gut-feeling decision. We didn’t interview anyone else and we offered Ms L the job. She arrived a week later and had a one week handover with Ms A2.
I specifically told Ms L to only learn from Ms A2 the routine of the house and to ignore the rest. I wanted her to be confident in her experience and in her way of being around the kids.
The main reason I hired her was that she reminded me of Ms A – caring, loving, playful, not afraid to look silly and be childlike. Given that I am the strict disciplinarian parent, I know that it’s important to have balance, so the person that spends most of the day with them has to be different from me.
It’s only been 2 weeks but already I can see a change in behaviour. The kids rejoice when she arrives in the morning and they grab her and hug her when she leaves in the evening. They are laughing when they arrive home from school and I don’t hear tears and tantrums about the bath when I get home from work.
I hope Ms L will stay with us for a long long time, and that she enjoys the time with our kids. They are very affectionate and they certainly respond well to playfulness and love. And I’m happy when they’re happy J
Last edit: Miss Z made a drawing for Ms L yesterday where Ms L is in the middle and herself, Mr A and Miss A are around her. She also wrote the message “Love you”. Wow, what a difference!