We couldn’t have seen the end of it quick enough. The year 2020, annus horribilis, where almost 2 million people died because of a virus, Covid-19.
Unless you’re a green man from Mars you know exactly what I’m talking about. And if you’re one, like me, who was fortunate enough to see the calendar turn to 2021 and is still healthily breathing, then you’re one of the lucky ones.
We’re still alive. And that should be enough. Shouldn’t it?
So then why isn’t it? Why am I so sad, down, depressed at the start of this new year? Why isn’t there joy and celebration?
Because even though we’re alive – my family and I, the distance this year caused, the conflicts, the emotional turmoil from forced confinement, the stress and anxiety of not knowing whether we were going to be ok, of whether it was safe to leave the house, to travel, to go to shops for food or take the kids to school… whether seeing my family members was going to kill them… whether it would be the last time… this stuff takes a chunk out of your mental well-being…
Add to that your every day problems like your Mom who’s in the last stages of Alzheimer’s disease and who could die at any moment, and who you have not seen since February, a better half you only see every once in a while and who doesn’t get along with your eldest daughter, who, in turn, makes everyone’s lives miserable by her rudeness, attitude and just plain meanness in the midst of this all (and she’s not even a teenager yet)… it’s a perfect storm in the making.
Add in a pinch of “the tax man screwing up your tax code” and leaving you with a couple of grand less on your salary for the last two months of the year… right before Christmas… and it’s the cherry on top, the final straw.
I’m a complete mess, and on the count of midnight I cried as I wished for peace, harmony and health while holding my kids. I didn’t sleep well and woke up even worse.
And yet, I’m still breathing. And even though I woke up to another argument… and cried like a baby wishing for my Mom to be here, comforting me…, I am still alive and healthily breathing.
And it’s a new year. May be it better than the one we just buried.
Peace. Love. 💛